say this and say that: i haven't the words

things have been a little somber here recently, and i want to say a few things about that. first of all, the tone of my last few posts is in no way reflective of my mood - in fact, for the past week or so i've been particularly upbeat and calm about all my obligations and the ways of my life in general.

i've been getting plenty of sleep, finishing my homework on time, working hard when i'm at work, and i've said the phrase "man, i'm pretty" at least once a day since last monday. things feel easy and right, right now.

however, i am exploring themes of "home" in both my personal and academic life, pursuant to a senior thesis in which i will be examining the cultural differences between americans and the karen burmese which contribute to difficulties and misunderstanding in home and community building upon arrival in the united states (hence the working with refugees i've been so excited about). eventually i will develop an orientation program for the organization geared specifically toward the community of karen burmese which is being built in indianapolis.

in keeping with that, i'm looking at all the places i've lived in the last four years and all the ways in which they have not been home. and the reasons why. three posts so far and four to go; moving is one of my talents. i'm 23. i'm in the grey area. mom's house is no longer home, but as of yet i have neither the time, the means or the surroundings to build a home of my own. and the past four years, as most of you know, have been rocky at best, so the things i have to say about my various apartments are bound to be tainted with a little sadness. and believe me, i have a lot to say about this. bear with me while i get it all out; i'm preparing for what is going to be a very challenging (and rewarding) winter/spring.

and as far as that goes, i want to talk a little about friday, which was exhausting and amazing and long and quick and the weirdest day of my life.

have you ever felt brave and humble at the same time? it's a very strange sensation.

i felt brisk and professional, but i also managed to feel the weight of an incredible responsibility that had been placed on me. i was trusted without any reason - and i did deliver on that, i made no mistakes and everyone was returned home safely with all of their belongings and the mission set completed - and that terrified me.

i feel graced by the opportunity - it was such a small thing i did, and yet monumentally important for both myself and the other parties involved.

how much more excited can i be?